I found a job and change once again…

I am back…but not in an old life, it’s kind of new. But it’s still up north. New city, new job, new people. And it’s okay, it’s new, it’s different, but it’s okay. I know “okay” sounds not like wow, not like mindblowing, not like whooohoo. It was like wow, mindblowing, whooohoo the first weeks….and then there was this hole, this reality which caught me, which made me negate everything lasted around four days. And it kind of ended with my dearest friend from Iceland saying “Maria, remember, it was never easy, even not here. You had also struggles here. And we lived a normal life in the end, with working, being tired of work and so on.” Thanks to her I realised she is right. Big love for those friends who put you back where you should be. In reality. Since then reality is my friend again and I am okay. And okay is good. Cause I like it here, I like the new city, I love to be closer to my love, to discover great new places in his and my city, to be close to an old and beloved friend again, to live with cool flatmates, to enjoy a real summer with biking home in the middle of the night in a shirt and shorts, to bike with my old bike from childhood, to eat fresh fruits and greens from the farmers markets, to grow our own fruits and greens at the balcony, to still have Iceland in my head almost every day (as I work for an Iceland travel agency planning trips for germans), to have great and nice collagues, to have a good and okay life.

I learned in the past years, that it does not depend where you are, it depends on you, what you do out of situations, places, your life in general. But I have to remind myself on that every now and then. So, for now it’s okay to be here, to live this life. Hello there, I am still here.


P.S. And yes, I do miss Iceland a lot!

There are no wrong ways

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Es ist nicht einfach. Dieses Leben. Doch eigentlich komm ich ganz gut klar. Habe mir Träume erfüllt und immernoch genug davon übrig, dass mir nicht langweilig werden sollte. Und doch befinde ich mich momentan irgendwo dazwischen, zwischen hier und dort und woanders. Wieder geht es um Entscheidungen, die mir diesmal nicht so leicht fallen wie die große Entscheidung die ich vor drei Jahren getroffen habe. Ich führe hier in Island ein ganz alltägliches Leben, ich genieße die vielen Vorteile die ein Leben als expat hat. Aber es gibt auch Zweifel.

In meiner momentanen Situation ist es das Gefühl, nicht ganz hier sein zu können. Weil es seit einem Jahr jemanden gibt in meinem Leben, der die meiste Zeit viel zu weit weg ist. Und der die Entscheidung für die Zukunft maßgeblich mitbestimmt. Aber das ist eigentlich kein Nachteil, denn eigentlich ist das ganz schön. Nur fallen mir Entscheidungen nicht so leicht und je klarer wird, dass ich Island bald verlassen werde, umso mehr schmerzt mir mein Herz. Ja, es fühlt sich an wie Liebeskummer. Aber den habe ich auch, wenn ich weit weg vom

Liebsten entfernt bin. Leider macht mir momentan das Ungewisse, das in der Zukunft liegt, noch ziemlich Angst, weil ich wirklich nicht weiß was sein wird, wo ich landen werde. Vor drei Jahren fand ich das irgendwie nicht schlimm bzw. hab ich mich mitten rein gestürzt und gelernt dass es eigentlich wirklich keine falschen Wege gibt. Und genau das weiß ich eigentlich ja auch, aber momentan fällt mir schwer das auf ein Leben in Deutschland anzuwenden. Es scheint alles ein bisschen mehr anstrengend, weniger locker, mehr auf Erfolg getrimmt. Schon allein Bewerbungen zu schreiben, Bewerbungsratgeber zu lesen, da meine letzten tatsächlich 8 Jahre her sind. Oder einfach nur Jobangebote auf diversen Jobportalen. Ich weiß ich kann ganz viel, ich habe in den Jahren nach der Uni so viel gelernt und in den letzten 2,5 Jahren besonders. Ich kann mich in viele Bereiche einarbeiten, bin offen, flexibel. Aber dennoch diesem Muster zu entsprechen, mich mit einem Stück (elektronischem) Papier irgendwo zu bewerben,, wo man mich nach meinem Lebenslauf und meinem Photo beurteilt, das bereitet mir Magenschmerzen. Ich weiß einerseits nicht so genau wo ich hin will aber ich weiß was ich will; dass man mich als der Mensch einstellt der ich bin, ohne dass ich mich verstellen, verkleiden, verstecken muss. Und ich will zufrieden einen guten Job machen und abends nach hause gehen können ohne mich jeden Tag nach Island zurückzusehnen. Und wenn das doch passiert, fliegen täglich Flugzeuge auf diese Insel im Nordatlantik die mich nie mehr loslassen wird.

Holiday far away to stay

I have been on holidays for more than a month. I travelled my homecountry, visited family and friends in south, east, north and attended my favorite festival in the west. Its really nice to be a tourist in your own country, I felt like one, even in Hamburg, where I used to live for six years. Maybe I felt like this, cause I changed, cause I am living now since 2,5 years abroad. Though Germany is not as relaxed as Iceland I felt quite relaxed, all the time. I tried not to stress myself out when I had to wait in lines or when I missed the subway. It worked but I know that routine would come over me if I just would live again in Germany. But yeah, I am not yet.

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The hardest but also nicest were the crazy high temperatures in the south, with heavy rains, lightnings and thunderstorms in the afternoons. Yes, there is rain in Iceland, but not like this monsunlike ones in the south of Germany. And we dont have lightnings and thunderstorms in Iceland. So it was the greatest when me and my sister were in the swimming pool, it started to rain (a bit) and almost everybody else left. So we had enough space to swim and decided to take her son again to the swimming pool after we got him from kindergarden. Not many kids were there, just a few, so we could show him the huge waterslide. And he couldnt stop to go. What a memory!

My sister is more the sportive one in our family, so we did some sport stuff. I went the first time in my life climbing on a climbing wall. As I am afraid of heights (and loosing control) it was not as easy to be up there and trust the person down on the ground. But I think I have done a great job. Just the next day we went to a boulder hall, where I could just be on my own, challenge my self which was easier for me and I really would like to do that more often here in Reykjavik.

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Next stop was Munich to visit my friend. It was a bit too short but great and somehow I enjoyed the heat in the streets, to relax at her couch, watching “Gilmore Girls” and wait for her to finish her shift. I never have been a huge fan of Munich, but this time was a bit different. There are really nice areas and friendly people. We went to an exhebition of Banksy’s streetart, drank really delicious whiskey-cocktails in “Zum Wolf” and danced all night long in the indie club, which I havent done for years! We felt a bit old between all the students, but nobody knew that we are far from our 20s. What I love most when being in Germany: cheap beer and good food. Iceland has good beer as well but not as cheap. But when it comes to food varity then Iceland is the loser. So I went to a lot of good restaurants or just bars to have good and yummy food. In munich I liked “Trachtenvogl” very much. I had a sandwich with goatcheese, rucola and gingerjam. My friend the very soft beefsteak with mashed peas with mint. WOW! Check their menu (and try the selfmade mint limo), so so good.

Since I am living in Iceland, I forgot how to plan things and I dont like to plan ahead. I guess its just how you survive here cause Icelanders are not doing it either. But I had to plan a bit ahead my travels in Germany cause it would have been more expensive. That for I was lucky that I checked the train prices like four weeks ahead so I just paid 29 Euro for a train from Munich to Berlin, which is around 6,5 hours. And also all the other train trips I made were quite cheep. But if you dont want to plan that much ahead, you can also check the busses (f.e. flixbus, berlinbus)  which are connected between all the big cities in Germany for a budget.

As I already spent a lot of time in Berlin this year, it was not an adventure anymore. It was more like calming down, relaxing in the arms of my beloved one and hang out with him and watching movies, seeing family, biking through the city and sleeping as long as our hunger woke us up to get a coffee and some fresh baked buns.

More exciting was therefor our trip to Hamburg, where we spent three days in the nice Hostel “Superbude”. I always wanted to stay there but you dont do that when you are living in the same city. Even if our sleep wasnt as good as expected it was a nice, clean and comfy stay just in the middle of St. Pauli. We hang out at Park Fiction, at the Elbstrand, ate delicious thinny Pizza at “Slim Jims” and tried to drink Astra beer again. I forgot about the taste and decided to stay with another one :). Astra is more for the lifestyle in Hamburg, a bit shabby, a bit bitter but stays in your mind forever.

I was lucky that Damien Rice was playing in the park where I planned to have a picknick for my birthday with old friends. Perfect company with perfect smooth music and good food and drinks. The rain in the end was kind of beautiful even if it made us leave for good. I saw the most of the same people either at my favorite festival “Haldern Pop Festival” which started just two days later. I havent been there for two years, so it felt a bit like coming home. I met people I know since 10 years, I saw bands I already saw a couple of times, I reached out for new bands, I smelled the air, swam in the lake and slept like a baby in the tent.

And then? Berlin again, not more, not less. Doing nothing but relaxing. I took a lot of pictures until then but I havent made one picture with my DSLR in that last 1,5 weeks.
The nicest was the last evening when we spent some money in the great tapas restaurant “Atame”. We tried a lot from the menu, were falling in love with the goatcheese and the Valserrano Crianza Rioja from 2012. So my holidays ended almost drunk and happy before leaving on the next day with a bit of a hangover, or was it sadness cause of leaving?

It was sad but also nice to be back again, to smell the crispy air, the eggs in the shower (I dont smell it anymore now) and to see my friends. Some questionmarks over my head; like “where is home”, “where do I belong”, “where do I want to be”. So now, lets clear up the sky!

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Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

 

(almost) no words, just pictures

There is too much to say but I am speechless. So, better to show you some nice pictures from the past months.

The summer has been great so far, temperatures between 15 and 18°C, not much wind so this temperatures acutally felt warmer than they sound. I traveled a bit in Iceland, I saw parts I haven’t seen yet, showed parts I already knew to guests.


And I have been in Germany for some days. Not more, not less.

Exciting times right now…in all of their beautiful and bad colours. Reality needs me!

feel the pain…

Seit Tagen sitze ich und grüble, ich grüble über einen Anfang eines Eintrags der längst fällig ist. Da ist so viel in meinem Kopf momentan, ich bin so voll mit Gefühlen. Voll mit schönen Gefühlen, aber auch voll mit Nachdenklichkeit, Fernweh, Angst, Verzweiflung, Wut. Ersteres genieße ich in vollen Zügen; Sehnsucht, Glück, Leidenschaft, Zufriedenheit.

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Letztere entstehen durch den Blick auf die letzten zwölf Monate, die nicht die schlechtesten waren. Ein hoch und runter zwar, aber nichts was ich bereue, nichts was unnormal gewesen wäre. Ortswechsel für den Sommer, Entscheidungen, New York, neue Menschen die zu Freunden werden, Menschen die ich aus meinem Leben gestrichen habe. Durchaus spannend.

Und dann der Inselkoller der mich seit ungefähr New York begleitet hat. Ich hatte Fernweh, schlimmes Fernweh, Hummeln im Arsch, das Gefühl wieder einmal etwas verändern zu müssen. Sogar die Überlegung, wieder zurück nach Deutschland zu gehen. Doch gerade das bereitet mir momentan große Bauchschmerzen. Mir macht Angst was seit langem in Europa passiert (genau genommen habe ich mir diese Gedanken auch schon vor einem Jahr machen müssen), das Gefühl von Sicherheit geht mir abhanden wenn ich an Deutschland denke…ich habe Angst vor der Bewegung, die wieder rassistische Parolen schwingt, den jenigen die die Vorkommnisse in Paris oder von Köln gegen die Flüchtlingsdebatte instrumentalisieren. Ich habe Angst vor der Politik, die auf die Knie gehen könnte. Ich bin verzweifelt, wenn ich Kommentare lese und nehme mir grad wieder vor, die entsprechenden Seiten zu blockieren. Aber ich möchte dennoch up to date sein, ich möchte dennoch interessiert sein an dem was in der Welt passiert. Wie schafft man den Spagat zwischen Selbstschutz und Interesse?

Einerseits tänzel ich gerade umher aber mit einem schweren Klotz im Bauch. Wohin mit mir, wann, warum und weshalb.

First we take Manhattan…

Back from my trip to New York since more than one week and my head is still full of everything and my heart is still beating faster when all the great memories are coming up.

After three month of working in the solitude westfjords of this beautiful country I decided to jump into the complete opposite world. I always loved to live in a big city, even Hamburg seems to me not big at all as it has a very compact centre. And Reykjavik is in this case not a big city, it is for Iceland, but not compared to the capitals of Europe. New York was always something which was so so so far away from Europe. And it still is, just closer, cause Iceland is located between Europe and America. And New York was exactly that kind of lively and quirky city I needed after one and a half year of living with the same
320 000 people in this country.

During my preparations I realized that it is not possible to see everything in eight days, so I haven’t made big plans, just the ideas in my head what I would like to see but not to be stressed out. And this totally worked for me, even if I was stressed out though. And how shouldn’t I?! After I arrived in New York with the bus, after the first unfriendly impression of America (the mood of the busdriver was ten times worse than the mood of busdrivers in Berlin), after the first friendly impression of America (Hey John!), I was surrounded by more people than I saw the last months in Iceland. But I loved this kind of stress in the first few days.
NY47And I couldn’t stop to move almost all the days. So I was walking a lot, got lost in the first day, found a great breakfast/lunch place for the next days on my lost way and was impressed by the skyline of Manhattan and the beautiful evening sunlight which painted the streets in a deep orange light. And I loved the fact that it was still around 18°C in the evenings.

I crossed the impressive Brooklyn Bridge in the morning, not many people were up that early, so I had the views almost for myself. And I loved it. Haven’t been to the “lady of liberty”, but saw her from many places in New York. I walked through Soho, Tribeca and Greenwich Village, had lunch at Oscar’s Place, was wondering about this quiet areas in the middle of Manhattan, loved the people who were strolling around with a huge bunch of dogs. I guess I saw some famous people, I am just bad at movies, characters and from time to time I just thought “Oh, I know this face, but where from?”. At Gansevoort Foodmarked I bought Icecream for 6$, cooled my feet at The High Line, took pictures of people, was smiling about the guy who was singing out of tune to famous pop songs (as “Chandelier” from Sia) straight from his heart, took pictures from streetart and inhaled the dusty city air. My feet started to hurt at 5th Ave, I felt lost between all this fake streets around that area, couldn’t enjoy enough the beautiful Flat Iron Building, strolled through Washington Square Park to find the sub back home.

Gansvoort Foodmarket

Gansvoort Foodmarket

Brooklyn Bridge, Baby!

Brooklyn Bridge, Baby!

5th Ave

5th Ave

Flat Iron District

Flat Iron District

This special day was already so full of impressions, that in the end of the day I had the feeling to explode. In a positive way. But I couldn’t sit inside and stay home, so I decided spontanious to see the band Low in Williamsburg Music Hall. I loved the place, it reminded my on Hamburg / Berlin, the venue on my favorite one in Hamburg – Knust. And I loved to be between music lovers, between all this hip bearded guys and indie girls living in this gentrificated area. I felt homey. And realised once more how easy it is to talk to people, to meet interesting one, with great ideas and to enjoy a concert without knowing each other.

And this was just the beginning of my journey. More soon….

Dipping into life…

…mit einem x-beliebigen Boot einfach mal rausfahren, aufs Meer, auf den Fjord, eine andere Perspektive einnehmen, runterkommen vom inneren Trubel, Ruhe und Gelassenheit finden, die sich ausbreiten wie die Wellen sich bewegen. Atmen, ein und aus, tief und kraftvoll. Den Sturmvögeln beim Eintauchen ins Wasser zusehen, Glückstränen trocknen die beim Anblick der springenden Delfine die Wangen nass gemacht haben. Und ein breites Grinsen im Gesicht, ein Glücksgefühl im Bauch, als ein Buckelwal vor dem Boot auftaucht.

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Wunderschöne Momente, zu sich finden, Menschen begegnen die inspirieren, die Sichtweisen verändern. Sichtweisen auf die Welt, auf sich selbst. Sich selbst guttun, mit jedem Moment, eintauchen in das Leben.

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